Jerry is under a lot of pressure… you know…Sometimes they just don’t laugh.

First of all, for those who do not know who Jerry Seinfeld is – He is, or rather was, a stand-up-comedian. Who stands in front of a big crowd and keeps on telling jokes for a couple of hours. His ultimate goal, and the success of his career depends on whether people laugh at his jokes.
I definitely am not a stand-up-comedian. But I guess I know what it feels like, on his shoes. And I presume, almost all boys would know. We have all tried to make HER laugh [with or without much success] .Still, I am not sure how and when we started believing -‘women like funny men’.
Just like Jerry, we are all under a lot of pressure while pursuing this goal. Sometimes they just don’t laugh. Sometimes they give a tough look, “try harder you stupid”.
Worse, and I hate this the most, sometimes they give you a sympathy smile. Like we are all born incapable of making any jokes of her standard. And almost always, the sympathy smile follows with a topic change. And that’s how you know that it was a sympathy smile.
One good news there, is that women are not originally funny. Of course they do try sometimes, but most of the time they are busy playing target. And there is another type, who would defend your well-intended joke with logic. Before you even realize it, you are in an extremely intellectual argument with her.
Someone once said, superman is the funniest person on this planet. He has super power, super intelligence, super speed. He must be having super sense of humour. Imagine a day, when the world no longer needs superman. All the bad guys are behind bars and people don’t really care about technology or advancements where intelligence is required. The only thing that superman can now sell is his humour. Superman is not that a cool guy anymore. He is standing on the platform, sweating all over, trying to make us laugh. Well, sometimes, we just don’t laugh.

Dreams ….. Sir……I sell …dreams

Entrepreneurial-ship is hard. I had found out that in two weeks.[or was that too late ?]. My huge ego was completely shattered. I had always found it difficult to motivate people to work on something that I believed was right. But when I had a job, I guess, I had some credibility. Now, unemployed, it is near impossible to make anyone understand that I am right. [may be I should start calling myself an entrepreneur- it might boost my confidence a littleJ] It is very character building, though.

While I was in the process of deciding to quit my job and start ‘selling dreams’, my brother was kind of ‘getting engaged to get engaged’. And in the same call when I told him I would be leaving my job soon, he explained to me how he approached his would-be father-in-law, asking for her[She is from Indore by the way]. That is uncharted water. Much much riskier, I would say. In that very phone conversation, he was recruiting me to talk to our parents [I realized his strategy very lateJ]. I was so excited and privileged to present the unthinkable to my dad. How I did that, probably is worth another story. [Come back to this Blog in a few days J ]

Well, anyway, back to the track. He told me, that it is very much possible that I end up like him. I always had fantasies of having a girlfriend, or rather winning a girlfriend, from extreme adversities. And I have no idea why. I have imagined myself proposing to a girl a thousand times, and she rejecting me all the thousand times. But she would finally say yes. [That’s the whole point right?]. Then the next set of challenges. Family opposition, opposition from society etc. etc. Finally I will emerge as the winner [somehow], convincing everyone that I am right. And then a boring married life.

My brother asked me to imagine how would it be like if something like that happened. And that, now it is time for me to go to her father. By then I would have resigned my job. The company is completely in bad shape. No income. About to get bankrupt. And I am going to her father. Wow. This got to be it. Now I am in my father-in-laws’[Would-be] drawing room, possibly commenting on the furniture. I am a stupid liar too. I would even make up stories like, “you know, that sculpture on the right-top has great significance in Japanese Zen Culture”. Whatever. And then after the coffee is served, my business pitch will start.”Sir, I am here today to talk about something very important. To both of us.” I will take a pause and zip the coffee again, measuring his patience. I wouldn’t say a word until he asks what it is. Now I would lean forward and say “I am here to ask your daughters’ hand in marriage” “BAAANG!!!!”.

Hoping for the best, I am assuming that, he is extremely professional and sophisticated, and very much impressed by my candid nature and courage. But it is his daughter. He cannot show that he is impressed. Now its time for him to ask questions.

“So you are here with a marriage proposal”

“Yes Sir” [My courage quota for that day is over – Only yes or no answers]

“Hmm….. What do you do for a living, by the way?”

“I am a business man sir “

“Really.. I thought you were a high school student”

[I really would want to say “I take that as a compliment. But I am older than I look”. But I am sure that, I would not be able to utter a single word]

“hmmm….so what is your business Mister… what do you sell”

“I sell dreams …Sir” [I am dead]

“You sell ..what…. ?”

“Dreams ….. Sir……I sell …dreams”

Disclaimer: Readers are NOT allowed to use their imagination any further.

The last time when someone said “search- engine stuff”, it was Google ---- Moments -3 [contd]

I have always been into embarrassing situations. Not intentionally. It just happens. But the worst part is not the event itself. The worst part is, I do not feel embarrassed. May be, I was created, while the almighty was extremely bored and thought, “We really need some fun down there.”

I always wanted to be a millionaire. And someone told me, if you want to be one, u got to be around millionaires. The cheapest way is probably to attend seminars and forums, where millionaires come and go.

I started right there. I joined a club, meant only for the rich. And a few days ago, I decided to attend a forum, where a few i-bankers were invited. Well, I got to say; I really like to talk to rich people. The dark side of ambition.

I reached there early, and my costume was a spykar tee-shirt and jeans. [In an event that is about to be filled with investment bankers. Why do I behave these ways?]

Anyways, this is funny. I met with a girl who turned out to be the coordinator of the event. And she did ask me something which I couldn’t really gather, but assumed it like “are you here for the i-bankers meet?” and said “YES”. There was a video camera, its stand, and a few flyers arranged neatly on a table. She asked me “Could you bring those upstairs?”. Though, surprised a little, I said, “Sure Mam”. And once I reached the third floor, she asked, “Could you start setting things up?” . Now I realized, this got to be the next big moment in my life. But for some reason, I decided not to tell her that I was there for attending the meet, and I continued setting up the video camera. [And I had never done it before in my entire life].

The first i-banker came in by then and she started talking to him, explaining how it is going to be. J Time for me to dive in. Carrying the video camera in my hand, and walking very slowly towards them, I asked “Speaking in that context, I really want to be a part of the ENP program that you are offering. How can I get into the next batch?”. I am sure she was surprised by that question. She said “We do check the profile of the applicant, and only if it fits, one will be selected. But first of all, you have to be a member of this club”. J It was my chance. “But mam, I am a member!!!! “.

Enough said. She started apologizing, and then started thanking me before I asked her to help me get into the program.

“Moments Series” is all about pointless stupidity. I never meant to write anything about, dramatic moments. But today I just can’t resist this. Read on.

The event started and continued to the end, without me understanding anything much. [They were not talking about soft wares. They were talking about common sense] . And in the end, it was time for introduction. I have always loved telling my name loud. I have practiced it so much. I know how to pronounce my name in at least ten different ways. Everyone else is talking about their companies and their roles and their vision. They all have so much to talk about. My company is in a very poor condition. And about my role- if we are talking about the work that I do in my company, it would more be of a head-janitor, rather than a CEO. And vision. I find it so hard to make anyone understand my vision. I am really confused. I don’t have anything else to say other than my name. Now the microphone is being passed over and it’s getting very near. These are crazy moments. I even wished someone to miss the sequence and pass the microphone to the next row. [I wish crazy things all the time. It never happens though]

The time came and I went like “-[My Name]---. We started off with a company , couple of weeks back. We call it -----. And we are into search engine [ I guess I did take a pause there ] stuff” .

In reaction to that, the executive director of the club said. “The last time when someone said “search-engine stuff”, it was GOOGLE. “

Have you ever faced the moment, when you know that, a few dozen eyes are on you?

Tactics in a professional world

I want to say this as loudly as I can. This is not a blog meant to demonstrate philosophical concepts. As you all know, the author of this blog is a fake. And fakes do not often make good philosophers. They would rather make good politicians. That is 'Fake Me', in its purest form.
Fake Me has now started giving free tips on how to succeed in this competitive world of professionals. And we start today.

Rule 1 - Politics is not bad. It is just Politics.

First of all, start beliving in this. Consider it as a game. And as with every game, there are rules to be followed. Imagine , positioning yourself in a strategic position, in front of your manager. In front of your managers' manager.
Everything is fair in this game, as long as, you get the right visibility.
So how do we do that? Demonstrate that you are important. Appreciation from your supervisor is good. Appreciation Mail from your foreign client is better. And how do you get that. Simple. Ask for it :-)

We all get opportunities to talk to our clients. We all get chances to help them in one way or other.[It could just be updating one row in a stupid table]. And the client[possibly a business guy] might think you are a born genius. But he may not be proactive enough to say that infront of others. Your job is to motivate him or her to do that.

Being a fake, also has made me shameless. I would ask for anything that I want, to anyone. [I try to do it in a very sophisticated manner, though]. I have dared to ask my client over phone and over a chat tool, for an appreciation mail. He would start like "Hey thanks a lot by the way. Your solution helped me complete the report in time" or "Bingo...you are a magician" or "Woww..... how did you do that" . These are opportunities. I would go like "Thats great.... I'm happy to see that you think high of my work. And I would really appreciate if you could put that in a mail.." Trust me , these are questions for which "No" is not an answer.

Try this a few times. Your client will learn that you really appreciate appreciations :-) And he will learn to be proactive too.

Signals

The one topic that is discussed the most among a gang of boys –“Signals”. Whenever a charming girl needs any help, and whenever she calls upon a boy for whatever she needs, that is a signal. The privileged boy is so excited and everyone else in the gang is so jealous. They really have to be. He is the chosen one, right :-)

And those signals emitted from this very special breed, are so difficult to crack, even with the most sophisticated instruments and for the most intellectual and experienced minds. It is near impossible to make any sense out of it. It obviously seems very straight-forward and simple from the outside. But behind the layer of simplicity lies the most complex web of confusion.

Let’s have a deep look. Today she smiles at you. It obviously means, she likes you and was happy to see you , right. And I am sure, if she is a girl that you like, your heart would pound faster at her smile. Now , even if you do not do anything stupid the complete day, there is no guarantee that she would give the same pretty smile, the next day. In theory of probability, there are always variables attached to any result. A different result, just means, a change in the variable. This theory normally works in every possible scenario. Save this. No matter how hard we try, no matter how honestly we try to keep the variables constant, aspiring for the same result, there is no guaranteed outcome. But that is just not motivating enough to stop us from pursuing.

Recently, I watched a very funny movie named “ Little Manhattan”. It’s about a small kid trying to impress a girl. “loves me…..loves me not” stuff. That poor little boy lives only for her smile. He practices Judo, he goes to music classes, and he studies the most difficult subject just to have an opportunity to teach her the next day. Well it’s not just the little boy. We all do this. Watching out for opportunities just to serve her better.

Do it for the right reason

"Chasing white rabbits", is a phrase that is very famous in Holland, used to point out whether or not one is really enjoying the journey. When, even passionate discussions, go out of the context, when the focus shifts too much from "being here" to "where to", the dutch would say, "we are chasing a white rabbit here". Life is not what we might or might not become tomorrow. Once everything is said and done, life is eventually living for the moment.

And now I understand that, whatever hinders this journey, is a white rabbit. Be it, our jobs, our ego, love, fantacy, friendship ..whatever. We can waste a lot of time, going after things that really do not matter. Chasing someone or something. Things that are really important to us, would come to us. We only need to be what we really are. We all have a few blankets over us. The blanket of ego, the blanket of our beliefs, the blanket that the society wraps us around with. Once we shell out all these, and once we are truely naked, and once we start doing things for the right reasons, things that really matter would find us.

Moments [contd.]

This would also come under absolute and pointless stupidity. And honestly, when this happened, my heart, literally stopped to beat.
The time was, when I joined my first company. The Consultancy Services company. I used to be extremely naïve and mischievous [not that I am any different now], and there was not much work for freshers like us. Too much boredom has its own effects.
And, of course, there was this charming girl, who joined with me. And I was, as always, seeking opportunities to impress her with my humor or creativity or intelligence or whatever I thought I had. But as with everything that defies the rules of nature, I also didn’t know something so terrible would happen.
It was a Friday Evening, and I was too bored and I was unable to digest the truth that, I might not be able to see her for the next two days. I did not want to call her during the weekends, as that might project myself, too needy. [Which of course I was].
So it began. I called up her extn, and told her that[in a different pitch and accent], I was calling from the Infrastructure Department and that she had to shut down her PC for an Anti-Virus Installation. She bought that and she was shutting down the PC and packing up her things, while I decided to go up to her with a magazine in my hand and a stupid smile on my face. I asked “ hey dear…u r leaving ?”. She looked at me and said “were you the one who called me up ?”.
I will never forget that moment. She stood up and in her remarkable high pitch she shouted “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME ? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME”
Damn, what did I do ? Everyone in the floor now is standing, looking at both of us, wondering what I did. I wanted to shout back, “hello everyone …..I did nothing [I didn’t touch her]”. But I was so frozen. For a moment I was wishing myself to see my name in the obituary list.
Of course, moments of my life

Confessions of a fake mind - FakeMe

This is "FakeMe". I write softwares. [And I suck]. I hate what I do. I hate my P.L. I hate the account I am in. I seek happiness near coffee-machines or in the canteen. I try to forget about my fate, by flirting with chicks. Instant Messenger and proxy sites are my best friends.

I want satisfaction from my work. I want my learning curve to be sharper. I want a developement project. I want to write SAP on my resume. I want release from this maintainance work. I do not want to be a PL. I do not want to refresh the tool that says, "you have a new ticket in the queue. Please acknowledge". Everyone I know is going onsite. I too deserve a chance. Sometimes, I think, may be I should go for an MBA Degree. But I am too lazy to prepare. May be I should stop working. My PL might get irritated and release me.

The whole world outside my industry, thinks I am a geek. I am not. I do not even exist without Google. And anyone, trust me, anyone can do the work that I do.

I want to be a creative designer. No..No.. I want to be a monk. Nah... I might want to be a photographer. I am in my early twenties but am thinking of starting over. Going back to college and choosing art instead of science. May be literature or poetry.

I might be destined to do some social work. Let me join the corporate social responsibility group. Let me visit orphanages and spend time with children. I might feel better.

I want to do a lot. But I end up doing nothing. FakeMe is just a fake.

Moments...

When I started writing on this blog, I only wanted to project how point-less one can possibly be. (simply,how stupid I am). Raving Fans of this blog(the total number is two, by the way) have now started complaining, stating the blog is completely off the track. So back to pointless stupidity. Today let me write about my Moments.

The Funniest Moment:

A long long time back, in a galaxy far far away ...... I was friends with a girl who would make me feel so old by addressing with "aap", all the time. This girl is so against "dates" and the concept of a "boyfriend". Noone I personally know in this world can get her out for dinner. Not even for a moive or coffee. [By the way, she has once confessed that, she might go out with SuperMan, if he were humble enough to get down on his knees and ask her out. So those with Superman Tee-Shirts can try]. Anyway, one day, we went out for shopping on a saturday eve to BigBazar. I happened to see a big TeddyBear, and hoping that, she might like it too, I took her there. She did like the teddybear and was caressing the soft skin, when i did dare - "hey...can I buy this for you". Of course the obvious answer was "No". She said "aap kuch bhi mereliye khareed nahi rahe ho". That could have been the best ending to my fruitless endeavour. But, sometimes, HE gets IDEAS. HE, so bored at heaven, saw all these,and smiled:) "Lets make this more interesting.. Shall we?"

Suddenly, a BIG BAZAR boy, literally from thin air, came behind us, and said "Saab, ek ke sath ek free bhi hai".
Unbelievable.

To be contd...

Just happenings...

I think, I read it in a SuperMan Comic,that "you cannot make anyone like you. you can only make them think that, you might be worthy enough to be liked, with your doings". This makes sense more than ever. We all tend to believe that everything is under our control. We achieved everything that we have ever achieved because we are special and talented. We did everything ourselves. We are the "DOER". People like me because I am good and smart. People hate me because they do not know me well, or they are misunderstood.:-) I guess I am giving the dictionary defintion of the word "ego".
Does it really work that way ? Today, I doubt it. Coming to think about it, I have been loved and hated by the people around me. If you ask me, I really do not know the reason. I have been loved for reasons that I really cannot explain to a third person. I have been hated for reasons I do not even believe exist. I have been praised for doings, that I am not even sure, did really matter. I have been criticized for things, I still believe in.

Do I really control the things that happen to me and around me ? Or things just happen ? If things just happen, without any real control over it, what am I doing here ?
I definitely hate to believe this philosophy. I want to believe that I am a fighter. Even while things are going down, I want to believe that, I am going down fighting.

One thing is for sure. There is not much value for my ego, on this planet. After all, who am i, in a crowd of around six billion people.

What I DO know.....

The scariest period of my life seems to be this. Even the thought of quiting my job and becoming a full-time entrepreneur, itself, is shaking. And the worst part of is, I do not want to get into any conventional business. Ventures in all of its forms, are risky by nature. They say, the smartest of all, get into established businesses, like franchises. Those who are less-smart, get into service industry. For those who belong to the first group, return-on-investment is immediate. For those in the second gang, at least they have the prospect of a customer, and once the service is delivered, the prospect of getting paid.
And there is a third crowd. The stupidest of all. Who believe that, opening a franchising is not challenging enough. They believe, service-based-industry is not creative and thus not satisfying.
They are so stupid that, they want to create something that has never existed before and sell it for a price. So misunderstood, that they think, they might really make a dent in the universe. So misled that, they expect others to follow them. Entreprenures all have special bones in their body. We seem to have an extra one.
For us, the worst nightmare of all, is the thought that of leaving the security that the employer offers. Because, we DO NOT know, what would happen to us. We DO NOT know if at all the venture would succeed. We DO NOT know when it is going to pay off. It could be years.

But we DO know that, the day we decide to start off, there will no longer be any paycheques. We DO know that, there will no longer be any paid vacations or holidays. There will no longer be any sick leaves. What we DO know is, on that same day, our expenses are going to go up. From the coffees that we drink to the paperclips that we use, for everything, we will have to pay from our wallet. What we DO know is, on that very day, our confidence level is going to go down. What we DO know is, that day onwards, we are gonig to be extremely lonely. No more professional friends. No more coffee-time-chit-chats. No more flirting. No more Firday-Night-Movies. No more PIZZA parties. No more Birthday Celebrations. We DO know that, the whole world might probably be getting ahead of you in life.

We DO know all these..... But as I said, we are stupid.

A bag full of dreams

I am a salesman. And I sell dreams. I walk around with a bag full of dreams. I open it up to anyone and everyone and show them how beautiful they are. And then I ask them do you want to have my dreams ? Do you want to share them ?

I always wonder, how 'great teams' work ? How 'great teams' sustain. Conflicts arise all the time even within a group of friends and we all know how hard it is to tackle even the silliest of problems. Putting that into perspective, what would be the answer to my question, how 'great teams' build up themselves. The answer, to me, is , they all share the same bag of dreams. It is like, each and every member having the very same dream, but is just unaware of that fact. It appears like, every other member of the team is working for your dream. And still each one believes that, its his dream and his dream only.

I sell dreams. As with all salesmen, I get rejected all the time. I get beaten up on the street. I get discouraged in the eve, everyday. And I promise myself, I wouldn't do it again. But with every new sunrise, I get up and start selling again. Because every morning, I say this to myself. "This is what you are. This is where you belong. This is the only thing that you have. ... a bag full of dreams..."

May be I am going home.......

Bidding good-bye is hard. Especially when you are the one who is leaving. Others have at least each other. It is even harder, when you have to go to a place where you have never been before. Where you have no friends. I never believed myself that I was born to settile down at one place. May be I never beleived that I was born for this place. I always had a dream of wandering about without purpose. But when I actually had to live my dream, when I actually had to leave a place and my friends, I really was having a hard time. And on the very last day, I was wishing If never had to go. Well, may be I dont have to think that way. Philosophy says, every single atom of our body was once part of dirty dust. And one day it is again going to be a part of the same dirty dust. Flying in the air. So may be I am not going anywhere. May be I am going home.

People destined to lift the lives of others..........

The world is a boring place. Lacks variety. We are all surrounded by people just like us. Mediocre people with mediocre lifestyle, with mediocre dreams. Its like walking in a crowd. Though we are independent and alone, we are all part of that very crowd. Leading extremely similar life ,working 10 hour jobs, having the same old hobbies and eating the same lunch from the very same canteen.
And then,one day, you see someone. Someone who is so different. Talking to that person is like talking to a 'Guru'. Someone who knows the art of life. He would encourage you to ask questions that you do not have answers for. He would elevate your thinking in such a way that, once again in your life, you want to do something more. Something different and amazing. He would challenge your beliefs and teach you the value of free-thinking. He would take you to the paramount of happiness, the feeling that you know only as a child. He would tell you that, its you and your dreams, that are important. He would lift your lives more than anyone else.
These are hard times. But in times like these, you seem a few of them. Stepping forward. Those who are destined to lift lives of others.

Show me that...Defend that... Celebrate that......

I have always believed in destiny. I've always trusted in a higher calling. I have always imagined myself, first getting spoiled with money and luxury and women and then, after, having that higher calling, something that is larger than life. And then, I choose to leave everything behind, that a normal man would ever desire for, in his life. But so far, I never got spoiled enough and now I am starting to see that I might never recognize a calling.
But what exactly is a calling? Is it something that you experience while may be during and after a lethal accident ? Knowing that life is so fragile and there is no surety about tomorrow and whatever you want to do, you have to do it now. Or is it the feeling that you are so special and you are supposed to lead on and the whole world is just waiting to follow you ? I guess I will never know. There are things we are always too young to understand.
Well may be, just may be, calling is what you feel, when you see a beautiful kid out in the street carrying trash. It proabably is the feeling of responsibility,you feel towards someone you do not even know. It probably is the wish to care about that helpless angel. May be it is knowing that, you need to do something to change what is wrong out there.
But we all, including me, are much more comfortable ignoring these higher callings. May be we need so much courage to pursue such a calling. Well God says, "show me what you care about.....defend what you believe in.........celebrate your doings.............."

Story of my relationships with truth

Before starting to write anything about my relationships, I want to blame the society for every mistake I made. I want to blame the educational system for the lack of philosophy as a subject(which i think is very important for anyone who passes through a bad relaionship). I want to blame our ancestors for creating so called rules of life, demanding us to bahave in a particular fashion in any relationship.

The one thing I have always noticed is, we think the same way, before and after a relationship. We consider ourselves wiser than,those who are in a relationship. Before and After a relationship, we look at those,who are in a relationship, and wonder, how can someone possibly talk to one single person , over the phone,for 5 hrs in one shot. What can someone possibly talk about for 5 hours......or more important how can someone possibly listen to one single boring voice for 5 hours.

Yet I have found myself doing that, while i was in a relationship. And I dont know about others, but, those 5 hours used to be the most insecure period on any day. Insecure to the extend that, I used to end up uttering "I love you", a few dozen times, in a couple of hours. Like, if I dont repeat those magic words in every 108 minutes, (courtesy to LOST series) , something really bad might happen.

But relationships are beautiful and that is the very reason why, your first relatinship changes your perpective. Till your first attachment, you were free and happy. And then you experience something new in a relationship. And then you break up. Now it is near impossible to go back to your first phase of being attached to noone. You are going to think about and dream about and feel sorry about the one you broke up with, And sometimes you are even going to blame your ' ex' for all the problems in your life. Till you are in a new relationship. And when you are, suddenly it is too easy for you to forgive and forget your first mate. And they say, time cures everything. Well I think it is our ego. We need someone who is good enough to admire us. We need the concept of 'that someone' to boost our ego. To reconfirm ourselves that, we are important too. Then we name the relatioinship with 'that someone' as 'marriage' or 'love'. Just to make sure that, 'that someone' will always be there to admire you. As long as it is 'two-way ego boosting' , the relationship will last. The moment it shifts from 'two way boosting' to 'one-way-responsibility', the colour of the relationship changes.

Being critical doesnt mean, I am immune to any of these. I have been into relationships and i am sure thsoe things will happen again. But I know that, this is the only way to live life to the fullest. Falling hard sometimes and standing up again.

I'm a fake geek and I love coffee

"Many times people think you are crazy....
But in that craziness....we see genious......"

Now whenever you want to use that quote, remember... there is always one perfect way of telling things........
Drop your head while you are uttering the first sentence......if you do......all the girls around will look at you....and will love your weekness...
Take a pause then......take a gasp.....now show that you are in control.......and now speak out the second sentence.......


I have always found these two sentences way too much powerful than any other, to end a presentation or speech....To show your passion.......to show that you are different......

Whenever I had to leave one place, I have always sensed a defining moment. While I pack up things, I notice that, I am so mobile...All the things I have ever earned, purchased, hold dear and couldnt live without ....can fit in a medium sized bag and a small kit. And again, while I am walking, carrying that bag-full-of-my-things, I realize, its me and me only, that really matters.....my dreams and my passion..........Those are the words I used to hear from my uncles while I was a child, but couldnt understand what did it really mean or thought I would spend so much time thinking about those words and their meaning ..........now walking across the street, in that solitude, the moment you feel that you might just get enlightend, I have a feeling.......being like this, without any bonds, any commitments is not a very bad idea......may be being able to walk like this is a gift.......may be being able to miss the last bus to home and never care about it, is a blessing.

And it was in one of those moments, that I figured out, how much my coffee machine means to me. I am a crazy coffee lover. I drink a min of 8-10 cups of coffee a day. Way too much than anyone I know.

And if i get to spend the night in the office, the number might touch 15. Coffee means too much to me. So does coffee machine. And probably becuase of that very fact, I had decided to bring in a big coffee machine, the very day I rented a two room apartment for my company office. And I have found it always fascinating, to drink coffee alone, late in the night or early in the morning. I would love to go to the balcony and feel the fresh wind while drinking hot brewing coffee. Experience the feeling that the whole world sleeps while I am awake.

After writing this much, I gave this page to one of my best friends to have a look. Just to see, whether I sounded like a wise-ass....or can I make it the best seller of the year....And she said...."its good" ....Just good ?....no comments....no criticism........no suggestions.....?comeon......I was really trying to write something that noone can really understand...........and she says.."its good"....can be translated to ...."it sucks"....

Well never mind..........women have always been mysterious to me, though I would really love to crack the code and be the one who has that "gift" of really knowing what women want.....Sometimes I even get to believe that I have finally deciphered the code and have fully understood the psychology of women, what they want and how they want.....Just to find out the next day that they allowed me to decipher that code the way they really wanted it to be deciphered.....

There is a story about a knight in King Arthurs' round table, who is the only one in history who happened to have the power, of knowing what women really want ,from a wizard. And in his words it is so simple. "just let her decide what she wants" .........starnge enough...but that is what she wants.

As simple as it might sound, how many among male breed are able to follow that simple rule. I have been into relationships and I can say with confidece that its near impossible. She herself makes it difficult for us. She tries on a new cloth and asks me "how does it look?" Ideally, following the only rule I have, I should say "what do you think ?" Then she might say " i think it should be darker".....or "hmmmm.......it is good but it might not match with my blue jeans" ......

That was the ideal outcome....noone is hurt.....no fight.......exactly what that woman wanted. But would I do that.........almost never........I would say........."it looks great on you"......comeon you stupid....basic rule....'The Woman' wouldnt try her favourite, the first time......................and when the next time she tries, the one, she really liked, when she really wants to hear that "you look extremely beautiful in that dress" .... I would go like " I think the last one was better" .......dear god.......she anyway is going to take what she wants.........why dont I let her do that.........

Back to my coffeemachine. (women have a very strange way of getting you out of the track)

During the day, I would like to have coffee with my friends and collegues. I dont really want to drink alone. Since many of my friends dont understand the real intention behind the repeated question, " would you like to have a cup of coffee" , I am really having a hard time getting them to drink coffee. I want to talk and share ideas and ask my favourite (though boring) question. What would you really want to do in this life. That is a question, I know for sure, that noone has an answer for. Including me. And yet I find it so important to have an answer for. May be noone can really find answer for that question. May be searching for an answer is the real answer. May be redefining yourself every moment is what you just need to do, to be happy.

But as much as everyone finds that question, boring, how can one possibly live in this world without knowing the reason behind his/her existance. How can anyone survive, at least even thinking or trying to find an answer to it. You may or may not belive in destiny, or Karma. But isnt that a basic question ? What the hell are we doing everyday if we dont know what we are built to do.