Signals

The one topic that is discussed the most among a gang of boys –“Signals”. Whenever a charming girl needs any help, and whenever she calls upon a boy for whatever she needs, that is a signal. The privileged boy is so excited and everyone else in the gang is so jealous. They really have to be. He is the chosen one, right :-)

And those signals emitted from this very special breed, are so difficult to crack, even with the most sophisticated instruments and for the most intellectual and experienced minds. It is near impossible to make any sense out of it. It obviously seems very straight-forward and simple from the outside. But behind the layer of simplicity lies the most complex web of confusion.

Let’s have a deep look. Today she smiles at you. It obviously means, she likes you and was happy to see you , right. And I am sure, if she is a girl that you like, your heart would pound faster at her smile. Now , even if you do not do anything stupid the complete day, there is no guarantee that she would give the same pretty smile, the next day. In theory of probability, there are always variables attached to any result. A different result, just means, a change in the variable. This theory normally works in every possible scenario. Save this. No matter how hard we try, no matter how honestly we try to keep the variables constant, aspiring for the same result, there is no guaranteed outcome. But that is just not motivating enough to stop us from pursuing.

Recently, I watched a very funny movie named “ Little Manhattan”. It’s about a small kid trying to impress a girl. “loves me…..loves me not” stuff. That poor little boy lives only for her smile. He practices Judo, he goes to music classes, and he studies the most difficult subject just to have an opportunity to teach her the next day. Well it’s not just the little boy. We all do this. Watching out for opportunities just to serve her better.

Do it for the right reason

"Chasing white rabbits", is a phrase that is very famous in Holland, used to point out whether or not one is really enjoying the journey. When, even passionate discussions, go out of the context, when the focus shifts too much from "being here" to "where to", the dutch would say, "we are chasing a white rabbit here". Life is not what we might or might not become tomorrow. Once everything is said and done, life is eventually living for the moment.

And now I understand that, whatever hinders this journey, is a white rabbit. Be it, our jobs, our ego, love, fantacy, friendship ..whatever. We can waste a lot of time, going after things that really do not matter. Chasing someone or something. Things that are really important to us, would come to us. We only need to be what we really are. We all have a few blankets over us. The blanket of ego, the blanket of our beliefs, the blanket that the society wraps us around with. Once we shell out all these, and once we are truely naked, and once we start doing things for the right reasons, things that really matter would find us.

Moments [contd.]

This would also come under absolute and pointless stupidity. And honestly, when this happened, my heart, literally stopped to beat.
The time was, when I joined my first company. The Consultancy Services company. I used to be extremely naïve and mischievous [not that I am any different now], and there was not much work for freshers like us. Too much boredom has its own effects.
And, of course, there was this charming girl, who joined with me. And I was, as always, seeking opportunities to impress her with my humor or creativity or intelligence or whatever I thought I had. But as with everything that defies the rules of nature, I also didn’t know something so terrible would happen.
It was a Friday Evening, and I was too bored and I was unable to digest the truth that, I might not be able to see her for the next two days. I did not want to call her during the weekends, as that might project myself, too needy. [Which of course I was].
So it began. I called up her extn, and told her that[in a different pitch and accent], I was calling from the Infrastructure Department and that she had to shut down her PC for an Anti-Virus Installation. She bought that and she was shutting down the PC and packing up her things, while I decided to go up to her with a magazine in my hand and a stupid smile on my face. I asked “ hey dear…u r leaving ?”. She looked at me and said “were you the one who called me up ?”.
I will never forget that moment. She stood up and in her remarkable high pitch she shouted “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME ? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME”
Damn, what did I do ? Everyone in the floor now is standing, looking at both of us, wondering what I did. I wanted to shout back, “hello everyone …..I did nothing [I didn’t touch her]”. But I was so frozen. For a moment I was wishing myself to see my name in the obituary list.
Of course, moments of my life

Confessions of a fake mind - FakeMe

This is "FakeMe". I write softwares. [And I suck]. I hate what I do. I hate my P.L. I hate the account I am in. I seek happiness near coffee-machines or in the canteen. I try to forget about my fate, by flirting with chicks. Instant Messenger and proxy sites are my best friends.

I want satisfaction from my work. I want my learning curve to be sharper. I want a developement project. I want to write SAP on my resume. I want release from this maintainance work. I do not want to be a PL. I do not want to refresh the tool that says, "you have a new ticket in the queue. Please acknowledge". Everyone I know is going onsite. I too deserve a chance. Sometimes, I think, may be I should go for an MBA Degree. But I am too lazy to prepare. May be I should stop working. My PL might get irritated and release me.

The whole world outside my industry, thinks I am a geek. I am not. I do not even exist without Google. And anyone, trust me, anyone can do the work that I do.

I want to be a creative designer. No..No.. I want to be a monk. Nah... I might want to be a photographer. I am in my early twenties but am thinking of starting over. Going back to college and choosing art instead of science. May be literature or poetry.

I might be destined to do some social work. Let me join the corporate social responsibility group. Let me visit orphanages and spend time with children. I might feel better.

I want to do a lot. But I end up doing nothing. FakeMe is just a fake.

Moments...

When I started writing on this blog, I only wanted to project how point-less one can possibly be. (simply,how stupid I am). Raving Fans of this blog(the total number is two, by the way) have now started complaining, stating the blog is completely off the track. So back to pointless stupidity. Today let me write about my Moments.

The Funniest Moment:

A long long time back, in a galaxy far far away ...... I was friends with a girl who would make me feel so old by addressing with "aap", all the time. This girl is so against "dates" and the concept of a "boyfriend". Noone I personally know in this world can get her out for dinner. Not even for a moive or coffee. [By the way, she has once confessed that, she might go out with SuperMan, if he were humble enough to get down on his knees and ask her out. So those with Superman Tee-Shirts can try]. Anyway, one day, we went out for shopping on a saturday eve to BigBazar. I happened to see a big TeddyBear, and hoping that, she might like it too, I took her there. She did like the teddybear and was caressing the soft skin, when i did dare - "hey...can I buy this for you". Of course the obvious answer was "No". She said "aap kuch bhi mereliye khareed nahi rahe ho". That could have been the best ending to my fruitless endeavour. But, sometimes, HE gets IDEAS. HE, so bored at heaven, saw all these,and smiled:) "Lets make this more interesting.. Shall we?"

Suddenly, a BIG BAZAR boy, literally from thin air, came behind us, and said "Saab, ek ke sath ek free bhi hai".
Unbelievable.

To be contd...

Just happenings...

I think, I read it in a SuperMan Comic,that "you cannot make anyone like you. you can only make them think that, you might be worthy enough to be liked, with your doings". This makes sense more than ever. We all tend to believe that everything is under our control. We achieved everything that we have ever achieved because we are special and talented. We did everything ourselves. We are the "DOER". People like me because I am good and smart. People hate me because they do not know me well, or they are misunderstood.:-) I guess I am giving the dictionary defintion of the word "ego".
Does it really work that way ? Today, I doubt it. Coming to think about it, I have been loved and hated by the people around me. If you ask me, I really do not know the reason. I have been loved for reasons that I really cannot explain to a third person. I have been hated for reasons I do not even believe exist. I have been praised for doings, that I am not even sure, did really matter. I have been criticized for things, I still believe in.

Do I really control the things that happen to me and around me ? Or things just happen ? If things just happen, without any real control over it, what am I doing here ?
I definitely hate to believe this philosophy. I want to believe that I am a fighter. Even while things are going down, I want to believe that, I am going down fighting.

One thing is for sure. There is not much value for my ego, on this planet. After all, who am i, in a crowd of around six billion people.